The Imperial HoloNet
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Leave the Black Cloak at Home for Once
Seriously, for a secret brotherhood of Dark Side users who control the galaxy, the Sith sure do wear a lot of black. It’s not very discreet. I was picking up my landspeeder from the shop the other day, when who should appear from the back room but a Lord of the Sith dressed in… what else?... a black cloak!
This is a crime against fashion, my friends. You would’ve thought that after the Empire’s successful conquest of the galaxy during the Second Battle of Telos the Emperor or somebody would’ve said “all right, enough with the black.” Galactic warlords have such pressure coming in from all sides though to choose an all-black wardrobe. I understand the pressure, but can’t they go with maybe a silver trim or a gold accent piece? Start slowly!
This Sith Lord who emerged was going to choke me for interrupting some terribly important ritual that he and he alone understood until I pointed out that black was very slimming. Perhaps that’s why they go with black. But you’d figure Force-wielding health freaks with nothing better to do but cry and kill people would have nice bodies. I guess power is bought with low self-esteem and the black acts as a shroud.
Or they’re just unoriginal. Seriously, which dysfunctional Sith Lord from Old made the decision “all my children must wear black!” It’s like a bad episode of “Dancing With the Gungans” that you just can’t turn off. I dare you to go to the Sith Temple next time you’re on Kuat and just Sith-watch. Dozens, hundreds, all wearing the same smock! Are they doing arts and crafts we don’t know about?
As Sith, shouldn’t they be praying for more enemies to kill or bleaching their eyes yellow or yelling at their former Jedi masters on volcanic planets or something? The galactic economy is in shambles and these guys still continue to serve Black Robes ‘R’ Us. Share the wealth, Sith Lords!
Lady Ducki and Emperor Shadow have the right idea. Remember the controversy awhile back? Lady Ducki spent so much money on clothes that government monitoring groups went Mustafar on her! Well, I applaud Lady Ducki for taking a stand. I’m sure it was expensive to buy original clothes. Klayas Brothers must have had a heart attack and charged her for all the Sith who weren’t buying from them!
If you ever try to ask a Sith about their bold fashion choices, be ready to be shown a lightsaber, and I don’t mean the kind attached to the body either. No, friends, Sith are defensive about their wardrobe. One Sith Apprentice, speaking to me from the hallway while her master sharpened his horns (the kind attached to his body), told me that “As Sith, we feel they make us look mysterious and intimidating. Plus, a black swishy cape is so much more satisfying than say, pink.”
That much is certain. It would be nice, though, to see some variety in the top levels of government. The Inquisitors get a pass. The Prophets can afford to be bold, they’re looking into the future all day, who are they going to offend by wearing pastels? The Military needs better uniforms. Green and black are so pre-Yavin. I call on Supreme Commander Marix to revolutionize the way we see our oppressors!
Sith, it’s time to get serious about fashion. It’s the least you can do for yourselves after so long in the shadows.
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